Faulty Parallelism

LESSON 2.38
Faulty Parallelism

Parallel refers to things side by side, such as railroad tracks. Lack of parallelism, a cause of awkward writing, occurs when parts of a list do not have similar word order. The parts are awkward. They do not sound like each other.

Not parallel: Shut off all computers, turn off the lights, and locking the door is important.

Parallel: Shut off all computers, turn off the lights, and lock the door.

Parallelism Problems and Wordiness

Lack of parallelism can result from having too many words in each part of the list.  

Not parallel: Lena enjoys jogging, sledding, and she likes to cook.

Parallel: Lena enjoys jogging, sledding, and cooking.

Parallelism Problems and Words Left Out

Sometimes you need to insert words to make parts of a list parallel. That often happens when you compare things.  When you compare things, draw a barbell to assure you are doing the comparison correctly. Each end must consist of two parts.

In the first example below, the writer meant to compare the gym in Platteville to the gym in Stevens Point, but the sentence says he is comparing the gym in Platteville to Stevens Point, and not to its gym.  The second barbell shows what the comparison should be.

Not parallel:  Platteville’s gym differs in three ways from Stevens Point.

 

Parallel: Platteville’s gym differs in three ways from Stevens Point’s gym.

Parallel: Platteville’s gym differs in three ways from that of Stevens Point.

Parallelism Problems and Unbalanced Content

Students often combine two sentences with and, but the sentences’ content lack parallelism.  That is, the content is not balanced. For example, which of the following is correct?

St. Francis was so compassionate that deer would eat from his hand, and he was born in 1181. St. Francis was born in 1181, and he was so compassionate that deer would eat from his hand.

The answer? Neither of them is parallel. The year of his birth and the fact that deer ate from his hand have little to do with one another.

Solving such problems is simple.

    1. Put the information in a logical order. In this case, the second example is more logical than the first, since he was born before he could feed deer by hand.
    2. Separate the sentence into two sentences, and provide additional content when necessary. For example:

St. Francis was born in 1181. He decided to become a monk after having a vision almost dying of a fever when he was in his early twenties. He later was said to be so compassionate that deer would eat from his hand.

Individual or Small Group Activity

1.     Please bring:

    • A $10 gift
    • A snack
    • A salad
    • Bring your favorite beverage

2.     For the trip you will need –

    • Your ticket
    • Casual clothes
    • Good walking shoes
    • At least $50 in spending money
    • A list of good restaurants
    • What would you like to see?

3.     Greg is always smiling and he likes to laugh.

4.     Mark studied for the test by reviewing his class notes and then he also skimmed through the textbook.

5.     We followed the deer down Briar Path, across Baker’s Creek, and then it went up Windmill Hill and we followed it there too.

6.     Making ivory face Eskimo dolls is interesting, artistic, and it helps make the culture more relevant to you.

7.     The engine of a Mercedes is superior to a Volkswagen.

8.     I like to snowboard, ski, and ice skate, and I also like playing hockey.

9.     The scout leader not only broke the code of honor but also he broke all the bows and arrows on the archery range.

10.  The writer, F. Scott Fitzgerald, suffered from terrible bouts of depression, and his wife was mentally ill.

Individual or Small Group Activity

Complete the exercise:  Arizona
                                        New Mexico

Optional Activity